is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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