He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
