im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
