a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
