I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
