last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
