u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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