shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
