I wish I could punch you in the face.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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