Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found a bag of teeth...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
