U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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