I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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