i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
