Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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