I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Drake has all the answers
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
