I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
