I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
