She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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