Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
