why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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