Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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