just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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