Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
