i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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