No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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