Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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