Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
