My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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