Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
