i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
