i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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