:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
