I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
