they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
