just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
