it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
