i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
