...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
