At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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