he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
