Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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