Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
