I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
