apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
