I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
