White coat. Heels.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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