Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My bed smells like the plague
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
