wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
