Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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