I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
