you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
