Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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